There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all…A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. 1 Cor. 12.4, 7 NLT

Does a clay pot argue with its maker?

Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’

Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?’ Isa. 45.9 NLT

I began my professional career as a high school teacher, which included coaching freshman basketball. I was required to keep 15 players, which meant that more than half the team would get little playing time. It was always sad watching those who rarely played faithfully practice every day in hopes that their time would come when they too would be able to make a contribution. If those opportunities came, it was at the end of a game with the outcome already determined. My rational side reasoned that the character developed through selfless acts of faithfulness was a consolation. Even though the character building was truly a benefit, when I reflect on what those boys experienced I have more compassion now probably because in recent years I found myself seeking to make a contribution to God’s team only to have to acknowledge the disappointing awareness that my talent was lacking.

I’m guessing that most people learn their limitations like me—through failure. We push ourselves to hone our skills to reach our full potential, and if we push ourselves far enough, we will discover our limit. Emotional makeup is major factor in achievement potential. I discovered myself lacking in emotional maturity as well having as a poor understanding of my personal makeup. My limited self-awareness in these two critical areas resulted in me putting pressure on myself to exceed my talents. Failure began to expose both. Failure also exposed my identity, purposefulness, security and hope as being rooted in my ability to succeed, which means I did not know myself apart from my performance—good or bad. My emotional makeup included an unhealthy need to stand out, be appreciated, admired, wanted, trusted, and accepted that was hidden to me also.

I discovered my limited understanding of my personal makeup after starting Image Bearers in 2007. I began with a view of success that meant, in addition to helping a lot of people in counseling, I would eventually develop an audience by writing, speaking and expressively functioning in a public forum. Years of gaining no traction resulted in me finally accepting that my ability did not include writing and speaking. The awareness was painful and brought my emotional unhealthiness back into my view, exposing something I’d known for years but was unwilling to look at—a dislike for how God made me. I’ve learned to pray when I experience these painful experiences and sensed God saying these words from Isaiah, “Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong! ’Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?’” I had no response to those questions, but was undone by them. I was left with nothing other than repentance. I acknowledged that he had to right to shape me into anything he wanted—a fine vessel worthy of a palace or one used as a cleaning bucket. I offered to him, what felt like a weak and very limited to do with as he pleased. My ego seriously reduced by this experience, I found myself able to move about more freely with a growing okay-ness of myself, the true self God had seen exhibiting good work that he had prepared me to do before the foundation of the world (Eph 2.10).

The “ideal me” having been dealt a powerful death blow, I’m find myself grateful for the grace of God that exposed my ego and it’s tyrannical rule of my life, under the guise of Christian submission and service. There is still some pain involved since obeying Jesus’s command “take up my cross daily” means putting my ego to death. However, bearing that cross means not having to maintain the demanding rigor of self-advancement. I’m also learning to thank God for the way he created me and making me fit for service in his kingdom. I’ve grown to appreciate my gifts, although sometimes I have to celebrate them as an act of faith. I want to exercise my gifts for God’s honor and the body’s edification. By daily putting my ego to death, there’s more room to embrace my true identity in Christ, security in God’s protection and resources, meaningful engagement in his work, and hopeful awaiting of his return.